The Shadow Sessions
The Shadow Sessions is hosted by Hiba Balfaqih, an unconventional psychologist and trauma alchemist. The podcast explores the stories people often bury, especially those connected to shame, trauma, and identity. It aims to shed light on hidden corners of human experience and challenge societal norms. Listeners hear candid conversations meant to spark deep introspection.
Episodes
"I'm Tired Of Pretending"
Sometimes survival means putting on a mask.
In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih explores why survivors can learn to hide their pain, appear strong, and convince the world—and sometimes themselves—that everything is fine.
Through moments from The Shadow Sessions, Hiba unpacks the psychology behind the mask: why we create it, how it protects us, and what happens when we’re finally ready
She Escaped ISIS. Then Lost Her Son.
How does someone go from escaping an abusive relationship to joining an extremist organization just six weeks later?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Tareena, the first British woman convicted of joining ISIS. After growing up around domestic violence and later experiencing abuse in her own marriage, Tareena left her husband and entered a women’s refuge. During
"Our Lavender Marriage"
Martin is gay. Brandi is straight. They’re married, raising a daughter together, and neither of them is planning to leave.
Their relationship has attracted plenty of opinions. Some believe their marriage must be fake. Others assume one of them is sacrificing, settling, or secretly unhappy.
Martin and Brandi call theirs a lavender marriage—but unlike the lavender marriages historically used to co
"I am A Psychopath"
What if manipulation doesn’t feel like manipulation?
What if it feels like you’ve finally met someone who understands you?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih sits down with Lewis Raymond Taylor, who has spoken publicly about being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, as well as his experiences with severe childhood trauma, addiction, and the life he built afterward.
Why Your Mind Shuts Down To Survive
What happens psychologically when the people meant to protect you become the ones taking away your choices?
In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Rubie, who was just 15 years old when her family took her to another country and forced her into a marriage she had never chosen.
Hiba discusses the moments from Rubie’s story that stood out to her and offers
Every 7 Seconds this Happens To A Girl
What happens when the people who love you believe that harming you is an act of protection?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Hoda, who was seven years old when her family celebrated what she believed was a special occasion. Instead, she was subjected to female genital mutilation (FGM)—a practice that would leave lifelong physical and psychological consequence
"I Saw Who Killed My Mom at 3 Years Old"
What happens when the first truth you ever tell is the one no one believes?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Jade, who was just three years old when her mother was murdered. In the immediate aftermath, Jade told investigators what she had witnessed. But because of her age, her account was dismissed, leaving her to grow up carrying a truth that others refused
My Husband Raped Me
Leaving an abusive relationship is rarely as simple as walking away. Sometimes the forces keeping someone trapped aren't fear alone—they're love, loyalty, children, and the hope of protecting the family they never had.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Kathleen, whose former husband was convicted in 2024 of rape and coercive control. After years of abuse, Kath
He Could Kill Her So Why Did She Stay?
Some conversations don't end when the cameras stop rolling—they deserve to be unpacked.
In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Annesa and explores the psychological patterns that emerged throughout the interview.
Drawing from her expertise in human behavior and trauma, Hiba examines the psychology of love bombing, coercive control, and why intense r
Phycologist Answers Your Questions
In this special Q&A episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih answers listener questions covering a wide range of topics.
Rather than offering quick answers, Hiba approaches each question with curiosity, compassion, and psychological insight, helping listeners see their situations and the patterns that shape their lives in a new light.
Whether you're looking for perspective, reassurance
The Abuser Was Never A Stranger
We've spent generations teaching children to fear strangers. But the evidence tells a different story.
In this special reflection episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih revisits the stories of Aziza, Seth, Jazmine, and Sonny—four survivors whose experiences expose one of the most dangerous misconceptions about child sexual abuse: that the greatest threat comes from strangers.
Instead
The Most Shocking Moments - Part 2
Some moments stay with you long after the conversation ends.
In this special episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih revisits some of the most powerful and unforgettable moments from the series so far—stories of survival, betrayal, identity, trauma, accountability, and transformation.
Part two brings together voices that challenged the way we understand abuse, violence, incarceration,
The Most Shocking Moments
Some moments stay with you long after the conversation ends.
In this special episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih revisits some of the most powerful and unforgettable moments from the series so far—stories of survival, betrayal, identity, trauma, accountability, and transformation.
Part One brings together voices that challenged the way we understand abuse, violence, incarceration,
When Your Mother Is The Danger
Some conversations don't end when the cameras stop rolling—they deserve to be unpacked.
In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Jazmine and explores the psychological patterns that emerged throughout the interview.
Drawing from her expertise in human behavior and trauma, Hiba examines the lasting effects of attachment trauma, the psychological impact of b
The Story Her Kidnapper Never Wanted Told
How do you respond when your life changes in a matter of seconds?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Allison Smith, whose ordinary trip to a convenience store became a fight for survival when an armed woman hijacked her car. In those terrifying moments, Allison experienced what so many trauma survivors describe: first freezing, then fawning, and ultimately finding t
What Epestein Did To Her Mind
Some conversations don't end when the cameras stop rolling—they deserve to be unpacked.
In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Jena-Lisa Jones, a survivor of Jeffrey Epstein, and explores the psychological patterns that emerged throughout the interview.
Drawing from her expertise in human behavior and trauma, Hiba examines how grooming operates, why powe
The Truth Behind Being A Sex Worker
What happens when the beliefs you're raised with become the source of your deepest wounds?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Veronica Monet, who was born into a religious cult where isolation, control, and abuse were justified through faith. After escaping, addiction became a way to cope with the trauma she carried until she eventually found recovery.
But recovery
My Family Was America's Most Dangerous Cult
What happens when the person who teaches you right from wrong is later revealed to be responsible for unimaginable violence?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Anna, who was raised in a polygamous cult led by her father—a man who was later convicted of multiple murders. As a child, she didn't see a cult. She saw family. The disappearances, the fear, and the secrecy
I Killed My Abuser
What happens when the people meant to protect you never do?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with David, who spent years growing up in an environment shaped by fear, control, and abuse. When systems that are supposed to intervene fail, trauma does not simply disappear—it adapts, accumulates, and leaves lasting psychological consequences.
This conversation is not about
How A 16 Years Old Robbed A Bank
We love stories about bank robbers. The masks. The getaway cars. The thrill of the chase. Popular culture often turns them into anti‑heroes—rebels who live outside the rules.
But what happens when the robbery isn’t really about the money?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Alex, a former bank robber whose actions were driven by something deeper than financial gain.
America's Most Hated
We often imagine hate as something obvious—loud, ignorant, easy to recognize. But radicalization rarely begins that way. It begins with belonging. With anger that feels like purpose. With identity built around opposition.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Arno, a former white nationalist skinhead who once lived at the center of extremist culture. He was the lead si
The Untold Reality of Undercover Operations
We’re taught to see law enforcement as strength—authority, control, protection. But what does it cost to live in danger every day?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Jennifer, a former Virginia State Trooper who worked undercover in high‑risk environments before joining the ATF. After 9/11, she was assigned to assist in the Pentagon investigation—working in conditio
The Wheelchair Doesn't Stop Me
Violence doesn’t always end a life. Sometimes it changes it completely.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Wesley, whose life split into before and after a single moment of violence left him paralyzed with a spinal cord injury.
But this conversation goes beyond the physical impact. It explores the psychological aftermath—depression, identity loss, and what it means
The Judge Said It Was The Worst He'd Ever seen
We’re taught adoption is a second chance—a safer home, a new beginning. But what happens when the place meant to protect becomes the source of harm?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Christopher, who was adopted along with his siblings into a home trusted by the system—where abuse, control, and neglect became a daily reality.
This conversation goes beyond individu
When The Monster was Family
Most people imagine abuse as something that happens in dark, distant places. But in reality, it often happens at home—by someone the child knows, someone the family trusts.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Tracey, whose life changed the moment her daughter spoke up. Faced with a reality many struggle to accept, Tracey made a choice that defines this story—she imme
Sold At 4 For Drug Money by her Mother
We grow up with a core belief: a mother is safety, protection, and home. But what happens when that foundation breaks?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Jazmine, who survived profound abuse within her own home—where harm was not hidden, but normalized, and the person meant to protect her became the source of danger.
This conversation goes beyond abuse itself. It e
Sentenced to Life at Just 13 Years Old
What kind of system gives a child a life sentence?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Ian, who at just thirteen years old was tried as an adult for a non‑homicide offense and sentenced to life in prison.
This conversation goes beyond one case. It examines the structure of the justice system—where children, particularly Black and Brown youth, are disproportionately
Human Trafficking Survivor Speaks Out
We often talk about war in terms of soldiers, politics, and strategy. But conflict creates another reality—one where systems collapse, laws disappear, and exploitation thrives in the chaos.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Lurata, who was trafficked during wartime, in a world where protection had vanished, and survival meant navigating danger no one should ever fa
“I Was A Jihadi Spy”
What creates a terrorist? Not the headline, the attack, or the manifesto. Before violence, there is always a story.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Mubin Sheikh, a former Islamist extremist who later became a counter‑terrorism expert working to prevent radicalization.
This conversation explores how people are drawn into extremist ideology—not because they are bo
"I Jumped From A Burning Plane…"
We love stories about survival—the miracle, the comeback, the headline. But we rarely talk about what survival actually costs.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Jamie, who survived a devastating plane crash that left 63% of his body burned and doctors giving him only a five‑percent chance of survival. What followed was six months in a coma, two years in the hospita
What Started On Tinder Ended In Terror
We raise girls on fairy tales—Prince Charming, fast love, and the promise of forever. They’re taught to be chosen, to be patient, to make relationships work. But what we rarely talk about is how these stories can shape what women learn to tolerate.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Annesa, who met a man online and quickly found herself swept into an intense relatio
Epstein’s Survivor: Jena-Lisa Jones Reveals All
Abuse doesn’t always hide in dark corners. Sometimes it lives in mansions, on private jets, and behind the reputations of powerful people.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Jena‑Lisa Jones, a survivor of Jeffrey Epstein who was drawn into a system of grooming and manipulation long before the world began paying attention.
This conversation goes beyond the headlines
She Was 15: A Woman’s Reality of Forced Child Marriage
What if your family told you you were going on vacation…
And instead, you were married off?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Rubie, who was just 15 years old when her family took her to another country and left her there as the wife of a man she had never chosen.
This conversation goes beyond the event itself. It explores coercion disguised as culture, control f
Joe DiMeo on Living After 80% Burns and the World’s First Face & Double Hand Transplant
We live in a world obsessed with appearance. We chase beauty, filters, and familiarity — often tying confidence to what we see in the mirror. But what happens when the mirror no longer shows the face you remember?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Joe DiMeo, who survived a catastrophic car accident at 20 years old and later became the first person in medical histor
Boys Can Be Victims Too: The Silence Around Male Sexual Abuse
When we hear the word abuse, many people picture a girl. Culturally, harm is often associated with her fear and her silence. But what happens when the victim is a boy — and no one knows how to see it?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Seth, a veteran, speaker, and advocate for male survivors who grew up in poverty surrounded by addiction, instability, and unspoken
When Anger Explodes: The Hidden Psychology Behind Losing Control
We all carry anger. Some swallow it. Some hide it behind success, silence, or survival. But what happens when it erupts? When pain becomes pressure, and pressure becomes action?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Jonathan Mendez, whose life changed after a violent confrontation led to jail and forced him to confront himself for the first time.
This conversation isn
From Prison to MMA Legend: The Making of Frank Shamrock
We’re taught to fight for what we want—to toughen up and push through. But what happens when fighting is all you’ve ever known? When childhood teaches you that pain is love, violence is normal, and power equals survival?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Frank Shamrock, a world‑champion fighter whose strength was forged through abuse, abandonment, and incarceration
The Sin Of Being a Girl: Surviving Honor-Based Violence
What if your biggest sin is being born a girl? What happens when violence is justified as tradition and silence is enforced as honor?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Nina Aouilk, a survivor of honor‑based violence who grew up in a system where abuse was normalized, and truth was punished. This conversation examines cultural gaslighting, generational silence, and
After the Collapse: Bankruptcy, Identity Loss and Building Again
Not all shadows look like darkness. Some look like ambition. Some look like discipline, perseverance, and the pressure to hold everything together while quietly falling apart.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Amber Duncan, who went from success as it’s culturally defined to total collapse. She filed for bankruptcy. She lost the money, the image, and the version of
Hacker & Identity James Linton
We’re taught to imagine hackers as men in hoodies—isolated, brilliant, dangerous. But what if the real story isn’t about code or breaches at all? What if it’s about psychology?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with a man who infiltrated some of the most powerful systems in the world—impersonating CEOs, deceiving institutions, and accessing spaces he was never meant to
Mikey, The Death Doula
Not all shadows are dark. Some are quiet. Some are tender. Some ask us to slow down and sit with the one certainty we spend our lives trying to outrun.
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, host Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Mikey, a death doula who supports people at the end of life—helping them die on their own terms, with dignity, presence, and meaning. After experiencing her own near-death mome
A Childhood Without Safety: Growing Up Inside the Prison System
What happens when a child grows up without safety—and the system responds with punishment instead of protection?
In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, host Hiba Balfaqih sits down with Sonny Van Cleaveland, whose life was shaped by incarceration before it was shaped by care. By the age of seven, Sonny was already inside the justice system. By sixteen, he was placed in an adult prison that becam
The Secret She Carried for Decades: Her Father Was the Father of Her Children
We teach kids to avoid strangers. To trust their gut. To believe home means safety. But what if home was the danger?
In this first episode of The Shadow Sessions, host Hiba Balfaqih sits down with Aziza Kibibi — a survivor whose story of incest, betrayal, and survival shatters the illusion of safety. Aziza was abused by her father, forced to carry and raise his children, and silenced by those mea
We All Have Something We Are Hiding
The Shadow Sessions is a podcast for the stories we hide, the ones too painful, too early, or too private to ever make it to therapy. Hosted by psychologist and trauma alchemist Hiba Balfaqih, each episode sits with the truths people were never given permission to speak.
From survivors of abuse to those confronting their deepest shadows, these are raw, unfiltered conversations about what we carr
